..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
