Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
