omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
