My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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