How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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