Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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