yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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