Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
