There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will be naked everywhere
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
