the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
