I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
