No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
