just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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