honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
