it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
