Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
