Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
