How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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