I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
