K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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