How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
