Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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