im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
