i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
