There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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