You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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