I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
