If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
