i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Couch. On fire.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
