if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
