I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
did you just send me my own nude
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
