Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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