Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am one with the molecules
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
