so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
