Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
