haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
