Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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