i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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