Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
