why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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