We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
