I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
