I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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