my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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