All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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