Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
