Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
