i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
