So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
