his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
