so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
