This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
