i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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