If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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