i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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