then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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