i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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