Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
