Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
