Pants 0. Shit 1.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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