You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
