On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
