Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
