Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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