i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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