Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
