You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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